One of Many

Oh so sad, when you cannot be
All that you wish, you wish to see
You haven’t control of what you need
You are merely the path of a wanton seed
A start that had no necessary end
Life goes on, something which you must tend
A path unknown and not to be seen
A trail so often hopeless, sad and mean
But away from it you cannot turn
A life like no other, this shouldn’t burn
For lack of a clear path, you must always be tending
It must for others, be carried to its ending

Barbara Blackcinder

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Threats

This is acceptable by societal norms
These are the words by which a child forms
Don’t do that and don’t do this
But doesn’t it seem just a little amiss?

I understand a warning about fire
Or stepping in front of an auto tire
Some things just have to be heard
Or they won’t hear another word

But is it right to use the threat of death
to incur your religious lack of breadth?
Should you live in fear of a loving god
All those in favor give a subservient nod

Let’s play by the rules of the bronze age
Looking in desperation for a worthy sage
And even though he’s a hand me down
We’ll worship him, we’ll worship his ground

We’ll sing him praises as though existing
Cry with emotions, our eyes and minds misting
And though it was merely a pleasant thought
In fact there was nothing that he really wrought

And although he loves us all and threatens hell
We cringe in fear but we still pledge our all
But nothing ever comes from the divine hills
Yet eagerly we sop up and drink these evil swills

Barbara Blackcinder

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My Own Corner

Why is there always, a picture of me
Standing off to the side, where you don’t see
Watching the action, but out of the way
Enjoying the moment, yet having no say

I would like to have been in the limelight
Surely I would more enjoy the highlight
Rubbing shoulders and mixing a few
Perhaps even being the equal of you

Ah but it is my way, thus incomplete
Never quite steady enough to compete
Not quite bold enough to force and insist
Knowing ahead that I wouldn’t be missed

Tell me oh tell me why I have stepped back
Foreseeing my faults and things that I lack
I can see me making the play of the game
But clouds of doubt still render me lame.

It is not you that sends me to the bench
It is I, and you, in an enabling sense
You would rather not deal with me then
I was not up to par way back when

So I have simply been still in my space
I know myself and chose not to race
As painful as life dictates, so blue
It has always been excruciating and true

But the pain felt now is hidden and obscured
Compared to that felt when it occurred
Still it gnaws in my remembered soul
Faded and hiding, taking its toll

Barbara Blackcinder

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From One Moment To Another

I’m so so sad, it’s all so sad
We can only cry over what we had
Grimace over what we’ve become
Tales of absences without relief
Time is the conqueror of our grief

It holds us true whether good or bad
Through emotions whether glad or sad
Only we can determine how long it is
Or how short the stay ‘til we’re on our way
Suffering the ridicule of another day

It is only perception when we are glad
Delaying an outcome when we are sad
A curved span of time making a presence
Horror when it seems to never end
Threatening to take us around the bend

But take heart we have a limit to an end
Even our emotions have the need of a tend
Everything fades without any exception
Until the time that passes that has been spent
A new day or moment arises and ahead we are sent

Barbara Blackcinder

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Casting Off

Oh I wish it were so simple,
To admit to my parents and you
Just that I don’t believe
In their holy spirits too.
I don’t expect them to quit
Something to them that’s old
But in the many years of living
I’ve have never truly been sold
Now I have tried through many years
To conquer, or justify what’s not true
But never have I been able to see
Those mysterious facts like you do
And so today I declare my disbelief
In about all that you hold so tight
I’m just not sold on his omnipotence
Or his demand that I be filled with fright

Barbara Blackcinder

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I Know I Should Stop

 

I know I should stop, but I can’t help myself

I depress the hell out of me

I know that time has passed me by and it’s gone

So few things are undone I see

It passed me by while I was most unaware

I’m confused and deeply withdrawn

Now it comes to me that I have always been

Always just my own simple pawn

 

But I never knew what was wrong with me then

I was simply another kind

Different from before I knew what I was

But before I could change my mind

Friends were nice, but were always in the distance

Seeking other people to find

I watched them mostly, sometimes searching for them

But I always seemed left behind

 

Life is here and I’ve gone through most of it now

So many things I haven’t found

I have things I clung to that have been for me

But I still remain tightly bound

Mostly I’ve been hidden even to my sight

My life seems filled only with sorrow

As much as I try to conceal it away

I can’t help regretting tomorrow.

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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Alterations

I cry for what has never been
I cry for what has been altered
I cry for what will never be
I cry that it’s all too absurd

When will things change to my liking
To be as I wish them to see
Especially personal stuff
Changes that only affect me

Not to be selfish or self-adoring
But just to add in a bit of fairness
An even-ing up without a warning
Without life being a tightly drawn harness

I know that past times have been written
And a little of life does remain
So through it I will stumble as usual
And quite likely will go mildly insane.

Barbara Blackcinder

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