Synopsis Of Life

 

It was the middle of July, there was sleepiness in my eye

And I hadn’t learned to view the world

I felt pain and sufferings, and the knowledge that it brings,

My mind opened and caused sensations and swirls

 

I learned from that day then, sometimes again and once again

So slowly did I learn all that was to be known

Seeking to inspire, to know it all there was no higher

Until one year I knew it all and I was grown

 

But then I needed more, to open freedom’s door

To live life wasn’t just to exist

It was another world, my memory unfurled

My thoughts were on the first girl that I kissed

 

Suddenly there’s too much to know, life tells us it’s so

When confronted with days of knowledge lacked

More and more I gained, and then my thirst had waned

I thought my library shelves were fully packed

 

But ever I went by, to learn ignorance while I cry

To find that no one has all of the truth

And I’m back to square one, that learning is not done

I’m so ignorant but yet am so long toothed

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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The Unforgiven Theft

 

It was a dream as such; I have since thought of much

Becoming a clumsy crutch, I could not have had it much more

It occurred while I slept so fast, staying around when sleep was past

I never wished for it to last, until there was no sleep no more

Even awake and out of the bed and even through the door

Chafing my nerves and calling my name with a roar

 

I woke with a start sitting upright, seeing darkness I suspected night

For that was the pattern for fright, I could hope for but not ignore

It crawled and crept into my spine, reason, it devoured mine

Bending it from a straightened line, swells my brain with hope of no more

Never to end a chilling tale of fearful lore

Instead faced with its remaining forever, forever a chore

 

It started out with a lightning bolt, with my high pitched scream, a frightening jolt

Then the thought of a murderous dolt, a wretched revenge seeking whore

Who stood at my window to seek, and so gleefully watching me

Cackling with such a rampant glee, her eyes with fire into me bore

Her hair flattened with rain, dripping and leaning into the door

Standing and grinning and laughing and watching me more

 

I cringed deeply into my covers, scrunched my pillows like those of new lovers

But nothing could seal the pain that hovers, of seeing her face at the door

Wrinkled, so terribly wretched, so close to me and detested

Nothing could hide while I nested, nearby in blankets by the door

Finally exhausted I threw over the blankets and crossed over the floor

Unlocked the lock and opened the door

 

I looked high and low for the witch; thinking she had come from the ditch

Where I had encountered with a hitch, some horrible thing twice before

Some bones that were still bearing flesh, that seemed to me to be still fresh

Trapped below the silvery mesh, once moving, not so anymore

Perhaps it had once been my own broken screen door

Covering the rotten meat and nothing more

 

On another day inside of a week, on yet another trip down by the creek

I poked around to see beneath, the screen once framed in with the door

The grotesque rotten meat as it lies, covered by a large swarm of flies,

Alarmed by me they took to flight, wise I was and I looked no more

I ducked and I ran without stopping right up to my door

Opening my eyes but not wanting to explore

 

For it took many days and a week, for an end to the flies did I seek

They followed my flight from the creek, from dining under the screen door

Alongside they flew as I tried, into my house I flew to hide

But they stayed right with me beside, fast I ran and could do no more

I was thinking ahead of going through and then slamming the door

But into the decreasing crack they did pour

 

Into my flesh they tore and they did eat, such was their cause in the unpleasant heat

They bit and harassed me as sweet, until no end and then quite sore

Collapsed at last, I seek relief, but the flies gave me yet more grief

They tore at the flesh of a thief, through my clothes and skin they did bore

With the tiniest of mouthbits into my skin they tore

I thought they would eat forever and more

 

When I awoke I knew what had been done, there was no peace for me, for such as one

Who would steal from a pitied someone, a maid who was continually poor?

Just because of the opportune ease, swiping her ham while down on her knees

Not yet aware of my quickened seize, and gone before she rose from the floor

Having removed myself by stepping lightly through the open back door

Running so quickly alongside of the store

 

But of one person I was not aware, who stood off to the side, hidden over there

Saw me pick up the woman’s meat without care, and jump for the open back door

Fast as I thought that I might be, soon the officers came to see

Frisking and spying upon me, I ridded myself of it before

They tore at my home and ripped it to shreds until their backs were sore

It was dark and I admitted no more

 

In the still of the night it was clear, that I was not the only one here

Outside stood the officer who was near, who had seen my flight out of the door

Carrying my goods, a stolen ham, then took flight, quickly on the lam

Knowing my innocence a sham, he stood by the creek quite bored

Fighting the flies that were gathering in a mass under the door

To my house from the creek that they tore

 

So incensed at my innocence known; my door he threw it bodily with a groan

Quite unaware that his feat was shown, of anger given to my screen door

Had covered his evidence to seek, lying deeply still in the creek,

Leaving his case on me thus weak, never attempting a peek or more

For the meat under the screen door, that I had stolen before

Now covered with flies and some rancid gore

 

The officer stayed all night and a day; I thought never would he go away

I peered at him through my windows at his stay, and then through my now opened door

Missing the screen torn from the hinge, complements of his angered binge

His own hot hostility singed as he stood nearly on my door

Preceding the face of the woman, the ever present whore

Looking around but not down no more

 

He waited for me to make a move, a slip of sense that he would approve

Hoping his chances catching me and prove, in hand with the meat would then soar

Deep into weeds so thickly grown, in the creek haphazardly thrown,

Before being grabbed so quickly, thrown up and then pressed by my door

Where he stood as a sentinel just a few feet not much more

While flies ate at his ankles until he could stand it no more

 

The second night, by the woman I awoke, seeing her behind the door that was broke

So close to its window she spoke, because of the missing screen door

Without my being hesitant, true and honestly repentant

Making me miserable and spent, confessing to the guilt that I bore

While staring at the woman who cackled, giggled, and laughed at me more

I who lay fly bitten spread onto the floor

 

Such were my actions every morning I woke, to no one I saw but most surely I spoke

I talked to only air that was broke, without breathes inside of the door

I confessed to walls all around, to dead flies in heaps on the ground

Their buzz a mass of chilling sound, echoed on both sides of the door

My skin will no longer heal from the sores

Guilt and regrets fester and run forever out of my pores.

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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The End of The Road

 

She was a gorgeous girl. Her hips were slender, breasts just big enough to impress you with every hug. Her long hair surrounded her face, almost hiding it between the waves running down past her jaw and over her shoulders. It was brown and her skin was light She had dark eyes.

He turned and walked, knowing that he couldn’t reveal where he was living. He hoped the box would still be there, and unoccupied. It was in a dry corner under an overhang, and it hadn’t been there long, so he hoped he had been the only person to discover it so far.

Aside from the things he brought himself, the poverty, disillusionment, and even some pain, although it was mostly emotional, he didn’t need physical creatures from some other inhabitant of the box before he began sleeping in it. But mostly he hoped that he could stay in some kind of good shape for his job seeking.

She would take him in in an instant, and he certainly felt the urge to go that way. Even if he totally betrayed the beautiful girl afterward, and he felt the pain that it would cause him, the temptation to use her was there. It would be so simple and easy. So gratifying while he did it.

Instead he went to his box without telling her about his situation. He had no money, no references, no other clothes other than the ones he had on at this moment. Worst of all, he had no food, and nothing lining his stomach from a recent meal. The biggest pain had come and gone, but he was sure that it would return before long. Right now it was merely empty and rigid. He hoped it would stay that way for a long period, but he could almost time when it would be back to bother him.

The box was there, still upright and undisturbed. At least he had that to hold onto. It was the only thing he knew of besides his personal sense of worth. Even that wasn’t much, but above all he had to hold onto that, otherwise he would die of hunger. He wouldn’t get a job as a pathetic loser, there were plenty of people around like that.

He couldn’t wait for a job, he could only wait for a meal only so long, but starvation would only last as long as his life. If it was short, he at least hoped it would be somewhat less painful than it was the last few days.

One end of the box was open. It was heavy and would be difficult to get into. If he knocked it down he could crawl into it, but then he would be subjected to creatures around the area, particularly other humans. It was also going to be a little too long and would stick out into the area that might be traveled by vehicles passing by. He could see it as a quick end to his misery, but he was a little frightened to take that kind of dare. After all, he might be only wounded and be in worse shape than he was now. He could make sure his head was on that end of the box he guessed, but he still could be injured instead of dead.

Finally he stood it on end, lifted it over his head with difficulty, and dropped it down over himself while standing. He dropped it down slowly pulling in the flaps as he set it down on end. Then he squatted, and finally sat down on the overlapping flaps. He was protected from sitting on the hardness, dampness, and dirtiness of the cement ground. It was a tight space, allowing him to sit, or lean against the side that was up against the building outside of it, but not to lie down, not even curled into a fetal position.

It dampened the sound from outside as well, making it almost cozy. He fell asleep in that position. And he died in that position. Hunger never bothered him again. Bullets from the evil neighborhood found their way through the thick cardboard and into his body.

Life was merciful in the end.

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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The Fateful Hug

 

It wasn’t meant to be more than a hug

But the hidden passion just came out

I thought for a second whether or not

Then my emotions came with a shout

 

I took in a huge whiff of her perfume

My teeth grazed the lobe of her ear

If she said something I haven’t a clue

With blood rushing I just couldn’t hear

 

My tongue darted out and licked her

My lips followed with a near violent kiss

My mind tried to rebel for an instant

It said that it can’t go on like this

 

But pleasantly overwhelmed as I was

I began kissing her neck with force

My mind said that I should stop

But with emotions I couldn’t of course

 

I inhaled deeply while tasting her neck

Moving with a passionate joy

Thinking of what would happen next

If this was but some kind of ploy

 

But she didn’t resist and I couldn’t think

She turned her head just as I did

My instincts had led me this far

My rampant passion I just couldn’t rid

 

And so once again our lips met in a kiss

Our tongues intertwined as well

There was no moral restriction to fight

Passion screamed through me to tell

 

And my mind filled with nothing but joy

And she and I shared what was true

It mattered not that we were both women

There was nothing either of us could do

 

Our breaths intermixed with our tongues

As we groped one another’s faces

And soon it became quite apparent

There were no regrettable traces

 

The truth became laid out for us then

As we embraced with no innocence shown

Our knees were weakened at once

We collapsed to the ground with a groan

 

Our nakedness became exciting and new

The clothes flying all around us

Hot inflamed flesh was all that there was

Heated by oceans and touches of lust

 

Locked into a grip with our legs

We shimmied and we rolled

There was no dishonesty between us then

Our passions were forever to be told

 

There could be no escaping the truth

About our intense love for the other

No amount of shame could exist

Nothing we felt could we smother

 

And so we continued our way

This day and onto our lives

Making ourselves first lovers that day

And staying happily together as wives

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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In a Bush

 

There was a man, who’d hide in the bushes

We avoided his house with care

There were rumors galour, and innuendo

About things that went on in there

 

We walked past quickly, and safely we hoped

Keeping our books covering our chest

Just waiting for him to jump out at us

So scurrying was thought to be best

 

But no one ever received such a threat

There were never any recorded attacks

None of us girls were ever forced to run

But still the fear ran down our backs

 

The nearest thing to happen back there

Where the bushes obscured the yard

Was a scratch to our peering faces

When we pressed them into the bushes real hard

 

But all that was ever to be seen

Was an old lady who kept to herself

Dressed to maintain her tall flowers

With plants and pots on her shelf

 

Just once in a while a man would appear

As he left in the morning for work

Dressed in a suit and a tie

Never once did he appear to lurk

 

Yet similar did he appear to the lady

And always were they seen apart

It was eerie the resemblance they had

It was unclear where the rumors did start

 

Perhaps it was the parents where it began

At their suggestion that something was amiss

When leaving the house for school in the morn

A caution given with a departing kiss

 

We didn’t know what they thought they knew

And I supposed they really didn’t know much

When I found that the two were the same

That he was really both people as such

 

At home he was a she with her garden

Dressed comfortably to work in her yard

While going to work was her male appearance

And I supposed that it must have been hard

 

To suffer all of the opinions and fears

Through rumors and just plain bad fact

While truth and honesty was right there

It was concern and well-wishing they lacked

 

But sadly he moved out eventually

The heat of suspicions forced him out

As parents they didn’t teach us very well

Over time they began to slander and shout

 

That he was a pervert, he had a sin

When it was them that were acting so bad

He left in embarrassment and shame

His painted face was really quite sad

 

Us kids grew to somehow know the truth

And then we became very ashamed

Believing our parents were always right

When it was them that should have been blamed

 

And I remembered a time when it occurred

Just once was that it happened that I

Met her coming to close up her gate

We looked at each other, fearful eye to eye

 

And I saw the worry and hesitation

As she quickly smiled and withdrew

And recognized how terribly sad

Was this woman that nobody knew

 

A sheltered life inside of her garden

With plenty of beauty inside her fences

But hidden and fearful of others opinions

While we claimed to have all our senses

 

So ashamed was I from that moment on

That I had so judged one so meek

Believing the rumors, fears and lies

When friendship was all she did seek

 

And although I didn’t really know her at all

I saw through her soul and her fence

Her trappings were built not to assail

But only to aid in her personal defense

 

Forced to hide and ashamed to greet

Others who deemed her to be wrong

Surrounded by the beauty of her flowers

Hidden and crouched  there for so long

 

Ironically it was me that found out

That I too was all along quite different

I stepped out of the neighborhood

As they perceived me and soon I went

 

Because I was really not like them

And I understood all too well

The pain and the suffering he felt

About the facts that he just couldn’t tell

 

I found a place where I could exist

Happy and proud of who I could be

But never again did I ever seek or find

That scared face that was also of me.

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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Fantastically Real

 

I live here in the real

It’s always been a pain

It should be no big deal

But it drives one insane

 

You’re told to be your own self

But to act like everyone

So you sit up on your own shelf

And pretend that you’re just one

 

Now I know that it is crazy

To hide away your soul

But the truth is rather hazy

If honesty is your goal

 

So when I am not in mass view

When I see only me

The reflection is not of you

It’s just my truth I see

 

Yet I must go on further

If I wish to be more real

For us to get much better

To really see the deal

 

You must accept that I am

Not going to conform soon

That I am what I am

And not going to cause your ruin

 

I will then go my way

And you’ll go gladly yours

And when we meet some day

We’ll laugh at all our sores

 

Both of us so altered

As we part this time

The truth no longer sheltered

So much better do we rhyme

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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A Visit To The Other Sides

 

A met a boy in a bar that was

Known to accept those who are gay

And it harkened me back it seems

To the past and a particular day

 

I didn’t know then what I know now

About the sexual appetites that we all have

We only picked on those of us different

Picking off scabs while not using a salve

 

Although I didn’t know it then

Perhaps he did not know it either

What it would take to make him smile

To make him into a heavy breather

 

I for sure knew that I liked girls

Not that I had made any passes

I was caught making stupid sayings

Something about not wearing glasses

 

And I thought when I saw him then

About what his life might have been

Although there was nothing about him

His differences by me were not seen

 

I wasn’t in the same boat that he sailed

I was perhaps in my own lonesome sea

Worried about myself all the time

And what the future would bring upon me

 

So distant was I and he seemed a nice guy

But our paths never really collided

My understanding then was so incomplete

As I thought life was only two-sided

 

I know now my great ignorance

As I see that there is many a route

And many ways to travel the distance

All something that one could proudly tout

 

And so it’s another soul that I missed

A person who could have understood

That acceptance is the primary task

Believing in others the ultimate good

 

Later I understood that the boy had died

In an explosion filled with pure hate

I hoped that someday acceptance could be

But for him and many others it was too late

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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