Darkness

 

Looking to the horizon, I clearly see

The line of storms coming at me

Boiling and roiling and increasing in size

Soon to cover the width of the sky

 

But it is an illusion, a mistake of sight

Yet soon enough it is as dark as night

I barely see farther than arm’s reach

Color from the darkness it does leach

 

There is no storm, it is in my mind

But there is no light that I can find

All is empty if not for the dark

Quiet and lonely, I leave no mark

 

I’m just a pebble that’s under your feet

Only remarkable when it’s under your seat

Taking up space where it shouldn’t be

Not even quite important enough to see

 

Just an obstacle to go around

A minor imperfection on the ground

You will pass and I will stay

Perhaps to be left forever away

 

Yet I am here with my own thought

Nothing for relief that has been taught

I cling for some hope in the darkened gloom

Somehow I just never escape this vacant room

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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Nowhere At All

 

I have nowhere to go

Nowhere to turn

My mind is in circles

Ever it churns

 

Should I have done this

Could I do that

But instead of action

I stayed there and sat

 

Fear is my torture

It kept me from there

It also keeps me

From parting my hair

 

So full of revulsion

Depression on rise

A heart full of tears

Clouds in my eyes

 

I have no history

That seems to be me

That is nothing joyful

So little happiness I see

 

There are only instances

A glimmer and hope

Maybe even then

I think of a rope

 

Intoxicants to ease

The pain from my soul

While hiding away

On my joyless knoll

 

But I have my fear

My savior and ally

To keep me apart

From that falling sky

 

From hopelessness I go

To a depressive state

Many a day it seems

For death do I wait

 

Looking for comfort

While on my way

But not really wanting

To continue my stay

 

Looking for friends

I really have few

Only greetings of

Hi, how are you

 

Superficial at best

No depth do I feel

Only pain of rejection

Seems to be real

 

And so I go on

Through clouds of dismay

Hoping that freedom

Will soon come my way.

 

Barbara Blackcinder

 

 

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One of Many

 

Oh so sad, when you cannot be

All that you wish, you wish to see

You haven’t control of what you need

You are merely the path of a wanton seed

A start that had no necessary end

Life goes on, something which you must tend

A path unknown and not to be seen

A trail so often hopeless, sad and mean

But away from it you cannot turn

A life like no other, this shouldn’t burn

For lack of a clear path, you must always be tending

It must for others, be carried to its ending

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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Synopsis Of Life

 

It was the middle of July, there was sleepiness in my eye

And I hadn’t learned to view the world

I felt pain and sufferings, and the knowledge that it brings,

My mind opened and caused sensations and swirls

 

I learned from that day then, sometimes again and once again

So slowly did I learn all that was to be known

Seeking to inspire, to know it all there was no higher

Until one year I knew it all and I was grown

 

But then I needed more, to open freedom’s door

To live life wasn’t just to exist

It was another world, my memory unfurled

My thoughts were on the first girl that I kissed

 

Suddenly there’s too much to know, life tells us it’s so

When confronted with days of knowledge lacked

More and more I gained, and then my thirst had waned

I thought my library shelves were fully packed

 

But ever I went by, to learn ignorance while I cry

To find that no one has all of the truth

And I’m back to square one, that learning is not done

I’m so ignorant but yet am so long toothed

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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The Unforgiven Theft

 

It was a dream as such; I have since thought of much

Becoming a clumsy crutch, I could not have had it much more

It occurred while I slept so fast, staying around when sleep was past

I never wished for it to last, until there was no sleep no more

Even awake and out of the bed and even through the door

Chafing my nerves and calling my name with a roar

 

I woke with a start sitting upright, seeing darkness I suspected night

For that was the pattern for fright, I could hope for but not ignore

It crawled and crept into my spine, reason, it devoured mine

Bending it from a straightened line, swells my brain with hope of no more

Never to end a chilling tale of fearful lore

Instead faced with its remaining forever, forever a chore

 

It started out with a lightning bolt, with my high pitched scream, a frightening jolt

Then the thought of a murderous dolt, a wretched revenge seeking whore

Who stood at my window to seek, and so gleefully watching me

Cackling with such a rampant glee, her eyes with fire into me bore

Her hair flattened with rain, dripping and leaning into the door

Standing and grinning and laughing and watching me more

 

I cringed deeply into my covers, scrunched my pillows like those of new lovers

But nothing could seal the pain that hovers, of seeing her face at the door

Wrinkled, so terribly wretched, so close to me and detested

Nothing could hide while I nested, nearby in blankets by the door

Finally exhausted I threw over the blankets and crossed over the floor

Unlocked the lock and opened the door

 

I looked high and low for the witch; thinking she had come from the ditch

Where I had encountered with a hitch, some horrible thing twice before

Some bones that were still bearing flesh, that seemed to me to be still fresh

Trapped below the silvery mesh, once moving, not so anymore

Perhaps it had once been my own broken screen door

Covering the rotten meat and nothing more

 

On another day inside of a week, on yet another trip down by the creek

I poked around to see beneath, the screen once framed in with the door

The grotesque rotten meat as it lies, covered by a large swarm of flies,

Alarmed by me they took to flight, wise I was and I looked no more

I ducked and I ran without stopping right up to my door

Opening my eyes but not wanting to explore

 

For it took many days and a week, for an end to the flies did I seek

They followed my flight from the creek, from dining under the screen door

Alongside they flew as I tried, into my house I flew to hide

But they stayed right with me beside, fast I ran and could do no more

I was thinking ahead of going through and then slamming the door

But into the decreasing crack they did pour

 

Into my flesh they tore and they did eat, such was their cause in the unpleasant heat

They bit and harassed me as sweet, until no end and then quite sore

Collapsed at last, I seek relief, but the flies gave me yet more grief

They tore at the flesh of a thief, through my clothes and skin they did bore

With the tiniest of mouthbits into my skin they tore

I thought they would eat forever and more

 

When I awoke I knew what had been done, there was no peace for me, for such as one

Who would steal from a pitied someone, a maid who was continually poor?

Just because of the opportune ease, swiping her ham while down on her knees

Not yet aware of my quickened seize, and gone before she rose from the floor

Having removed myself by stepping lightly through the open back door

Running so quickly alongside of the store

 

But of one person I was not aware, who stood off to the side, hidden over there

Saw me pick up the woman’s meat without care, and jump for the open back door

Fast as I thought that I might be, soon the officers came to see

Frisking and spying upon me, I ridded myself of it before

They tore at my home and ripped it to shreds until their backs were sore

It was dark and I admitted no more

 

In the still of the night it was clear, that I was not the only one here

Outside stood the officer who was near, who had seen my flight out of the door

Carrying my goods, a stolen ham, then took flight, quickly on the lam

Knowing my innocence a sham, he stood by the creek quite bored

Fighting the flies that were gathering in a mass under the door

To my house from the creek that they tore

 

So incensed at my innocence known; my door he threw it bodily with a groan

Quite unaware that his feat was shown, of anger given to my screen door

Had covered his evidence to seek, lying deeply still in the creek,

Leaving his case on me thus weak, never attempting a peek or more

For the meat under the screen door, that I had stolen before

Now covered with flies and some rancid gore

 

The officer stayed all night and a day; I thought never would he go away

I peered at him through my windows at his stay, and then through my now opened door

Missing the screen torn from the hinge, complements of his angered binge

His own hot hostility singed as he stood nearly on my door

Preceding the face of the woman, the ever present whore

Looking around but not down no more

 

He waited for me to make a move, a slip of sense that he would approve

Hoping his chances catching me and prove, in hand with the meat would then soar

Deep into weeds so thickly grown, in the creek haphazardly thrown,

Before being grabbed so quickly, thrown up and then pressed by my door

Where he stood as a sentinel just a few feet not much more

While flies ate at his ankles until he could stand it no more

 

The second night, by the woman I awoke, seeing her behind the door that was broke

So close to its window she spoke, because of the missing screen door

Without my being hesitant, true and honestly repentant

Making me miserable and spent, confessing to the guilt that I bore

While staring at the woman who cackled, giggled, and laughed at me more

I who lay fly bitten spread onto the floor

 

Such were my actions every morning I woke, to no one I saw but most surely I spoke

I talked to only air that was broke, without breathes inside of the door

I confessed to walls all around, to dead flies in heaps on the ground

Their buzz a mass of chilling sound, echoed on both sides of the door

My skin will no longer heal from the sores

Guilt and regrets fester and run forever out of my pores.

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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The End of The Road

 

She was a gorgeous girl. Her hips were slender, breasts just big enough to impress you with every hug. Her long hair surrounded her face, almost hiding it between the waves running down past her jaw and over her shoulders. It was brown and her skin was light She had dark eyes.

He turned and walked, knowing that he couldn’t reveal where he was living. He hoped the box would still be there, and unoccupied. It was in a dry corner under an overhang, and it hadn’t been there long, so he hoped he had been the only person to discover it so far.

Aside from the things he brought himself, the poverty, disillusionment, and even some pain, although it was mostly emotional, he didn’t need physical creatures from some other inhabitant of the box before he began sleeping in it. But mostly he hoped that he could stay in some kind of good shape for his job seeking.

She would take him in in an instant, and he certainly felt the urge to go that way. Even if he totally betrayed the beautiful girl afterward, and he felt the pain that it would cause him, the temptation to use her was there. It would be so simple and easy. So gratifying while he did it.

Instead he went to his box without telling her about his situation. He had no money, no references, no other clothes other than the ones he had on at this moment. Worst of all, he had no food, and nothing lining his stomach from a recent meal. The biggest pain had come and gone, but he was sure that it would return before long. Right now it was merely empty and rigid. He hoped it would stay that way for a long period, but he could almost time when it would be back to bother him.

The box was there, still upright and undisturbed. At least he had that to hold onto. It was the only thing he knew of besides his personal sense of worth. Even that wasn’t much, but above all he had to hold onto that, otherwise he would die of hunger. He wouldn’t get a job as a pathetic loser, there were plenty of people around like that.

He couldn’t wait for a job, he could only wait for a meal only so long, but starvation would only last as long as his life. If it was short, he at least hoped it would be somewhat less painful than it was the last few days.

One end of the box was open. It was heavy and would be difficult to get into. If he knocked it down he could crawl into it, but then he would be subjected to creatures around the area, particularly other humans. It was also going to be a little too long and would stick out into the area that might be traveled by vehicles passing by. He could see it as a quick end to his misery, but he was a little frightened to take that kind of dare. After all, he might be only wounded and be in worse shape than he was now. He could make sure his head was on that end of the box he guessed, but he still could be injured instead of dead.

Finally he stood it on end, lifted it over his head with difficulty, and dropped it down over himself while standing. He dropped it down slowly pulling in the flaps as he set it down on end. Then he squatted, and finally sat down on the overlapping flaps. He was protected from sitting on the hardness, dampness, and dirtiness of the cement ground. It was a tight space, allowing him to sit, or lean against the side that was up against the building outside of it, but not to lie down, not even curled into a fetal position.

It dampened the sound from outside as well, making it almost cozy. He fell asleep in that position. And he died in that position. Hunger never bothered him again. Bullets from the evil neighborhood found their way through the thick cardboard and into his body.

Life was merciful in the end.

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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The Fateful Hug

 

It wasn’t meant to be more than a hug

But the hidden passion just came out

I thought for a second whether or not

Then my emotions came with a shout

 

I took in a huge whiff of her perfume

My teeth grazed the lobe of her ear

If she said something I haven’t a clue

With blood rushing I just couldn’t hear

 

My tongue darted out and licked her

My lips followed with a near violent kiss

My mind tried to rebel for an instant

It said that it can’t go on like this

 

But pleasantly overwhelmed as I was

I began kissing her neck with force

My mind said that I should stop

But with emotions I couldn’t of course

 

I inhaled deeply while tasting her neck

Moving with a passionate joy

Thinking of what would happen next

If this was but some kind of ploy

 

But she didn’t resist and I couldn’t think

She turned her head just as I did

My instincts had led me this far

My rampant passion I just couldn’t rid

 

And so once again our lips met in a kiss

Our tongues intertwined as well

There was no moral restriction to fight

Passion screamed through me to tell

 

And my mind filled with nothing but joy

And she and I shared what was true

It mattered not that we were both women

There was nothing either of us could do

 

Our breaths intermixed with our tongues

As we groped one another’s faces

And soon it became quite apparent

There were no regrettable traces

 

The truth became laid out for us then

As we embraced with no innocence shown

Our knees were weakened at once

We collapsed to the ground with a groan

 

Our nakedness became exciting and new

The clothes flying all around us

Hot inflamed flesh was all that there was

Heated by oceans and touches of lust

 

Locked into a grip with our legs

We shimmied and we rolled

There was no dishonesty between us then

Our passions were forever to be told

 

There could be no escaping the truth

About our intense love for the other

No amount of shame could exist

Nothing we felt could we smother

 

And so we continued our way

This day and onto our lives

Making ourselves first lovers that day

And staying happily together as wives

 

Barbara Blackcinder

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