No Choice In The Matter


It really does not matter

Just how I choose to go

It was never really my choice

It was decided long ago


I began as everyone did

A new birth and a new soul

I was but a small baby

I had only to live as my goal


But somewhere I began to change

Differences became evident

Somehow I have different feelings

Than those supposedly “Heaven sent”


Some would have you believe

That my genetics were a lie

That I could become normal

If only I would give it a try


But such is not the case

I tried and suffered a cure

But I could not deny my self

My own soul was the lure


It told me what I wanted

Though it was not the same

As those who claimed to know

The only path through the game


They chose to ostracize me

To pick and choose what I felt

That I would be cured by faith

That I would change as I knelt


But no matter how severe

No matter how I tried

My personal anguish and pain

Could not change what I hide


So now you chose to condemn me

For something I cannot deny

For not having pat answers

When you ask me stridently, why?


I can’t answer why I like something

As contrary and painful to be

Due to the lack of understanding

Of what it is to be me


I do not ask your forgiveness

For that would be to admit

That somehow I am wrong

As though that would simply end it


I am what I am and no other

I simply see things my way

Just as others see their life

And struggle through it every day


While I may accept sympathy for my suffering

I do not accept it because of my faults

There is nothing about me to change

No matter the strength of your assaults


And so I will go through with my life

The only way that’s right for me

Because it is what my mind and body

Have told me the way it must be


Barbara Blackcinder


About Barbara Blackcinder

I am a poet/writer with a need for words. There are so many out there that I haven't used yet. They define all reality and mine when you read those from me.
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